The Haircomb of the Bathroom
by silentfilmfan91
Summary: This is a remix of phantom of the opera, with the Phantom as a haircomb, Christine as listerine, and raoul as a towel. And it all takes place in the bathroom of a person who befriends inanimate objects! r&r and be nice this is my first one!
1. Brush your teeth

Brush your teeth!

(Listerine)

Brush your teeth!

Brush them daily!

You don't want

Cavities!

Brush your teeth!

Don't forget flossing!

After sugar and

Candies!

Clean them well,

Or you will get fillings

And your teeth won't be sparkly!

Please, come on, please!

Don't argue!

Just please brush your teeth!

Brush them every morning

And at night!

And soon they'll be quite pretty!

Such a sight!

Brush your teeth!

Rinse out the bad stuff!

And eat lots of dairy!

Brush your teeth!

And soon no more visits

From the tooth fairy!

Brush your teeth

You'd better brush your teeth!

Brush them, at least just for me

Please, come on, please!

Don't argue!

Just please brush your teeth!

(Towel)

Oh my god! She is so shiny!

SHINY!

I have to touch

Anything sparkly

Like my dear friend Listerine

And maybe afterwards, just maybe,

I will brush my teeth…

(Listerine)

Clean them well,

Or you will get fillings

And your teeth won't be sparkly!

Just do me a favor,

And brush

Your teeth!


	2. Haircomb of Fashion

**Author's note: To all you meanies who say mean things about my writing…I have a solution! Here are my instructions! (These are for people who are considering writing an evil review!) **

**Look at the very top right corner of your computer screen. There should be a little "x" there. **

**Click on the "x"! Like oh my god, the screen disappears! **

**If you are not a fan of the "x" button, then click on the button near the top left corner which has the word "Back" written on it! Voila! It's a lot faster than writing a whole review!**

**Disclaimer: I obviously do not own Phantom of the Opera, which influences this story.**

(All the lyrics in parentheses are the original lyrics, so no one will ask "What song is this from?")

HAIRCOMB OF FASHION!

Leg: **Listerine! You're here! You had me worried!**

(Where in the world have you been hiding?)

**My gosh, you smell of peppermint!**

(Really, you were perfect!)

**I only wish I smelled just like you**

(I only wish I knew your secret!)

**Who taught you how? hint hint!**

(Who is your great tutor?)

Listerine: **My stylist once spoke of a haircomb!**

(Father once spoke of an angel!)

** I used to wish I had hair…**

(I used to dream he'd appear)

**Then the walls started talking**

(Now as I sing I can sense him)

**Saying "Lay off the beer"**

(And I know he's here!)

**He made me shiny, he made me great!**

(Here in this room he calls me softly)

**He made sparkly and pretty! **

(Somewhere inside hiding!)

**He told me to wear a wig **

(Somehow I know he's always with me)

** He-the clean and witty!**

(He-the unseen genius!)

Leg: **Listerine! You must be crazy!**

(Christine! You must have been dreaming!)

**Or doing some kind of drug!**

(Stories like this can't come true)

**Listerine I know what you need!**

(Christine you're talking in riddles)

**A great big hug!**

(And it's not like you!)

Listerine: (backs away slowly)

**Haircomb of Fashion!**

(Angel of Music!)

**Where's my shampoo?**

(Guide and Guardian)

**I think someone stole it!**

(Grant to me your Glory)

**Haircomb of fashion!**

(Angel of Music!)

**Make me sexy!**

(Hide no Longer!)

**So I can attract hairclips! **

(Secret and strange Angel!)

**He watches me undress…**

(He's with me even now…)

Leg: **Oh my God you're blue!**

(Your face, Christine, its white)

Listerine: **He steals my underwear…**

(All around me…)

Leg: **You're losing your luster!**

(Your hands are cold)

Listerine: **It turns me on!**

(It frightens me)

Leg: **I think I love you…**

(Don't be frightened…)

Listerine: (Starts running)

A/N: Leg is an amputated leg that lives in the musical bathroom. Apparently someone tried shaving their leg with an ax and it didn't work out too well…


	3. Portable Mouthwash

_A/N: Thanks to all my nice reviewers! You really made my day! _

_When I got bad reviews, I was so depressed; I would just play the piano for hours because I felt uninspired…_

_But then I started getting better reviews, and those made me so happy, I couldn't stop smiling (and that sort of freaked out my mom)_

_So I just want to say thanks to_: **Alphapolitan**, **Erik'sPhantomess**, **SuperSlinkyBerliner**, **Poppiesnroses**, **Wandering Child24**, and **Singeriter**!

**PORTABLE MOUTHWASH (Little Lotte)/ HAIRCOMB OF FASHION REPRISE (Angel of Music Reprise)**

**Towel: Portable Mouthwash…**

(Little Lotte let her mind wander…)

**Listerine: Not you again…**

(You remember that too…)

**Towel: Portable mouthwash said: "I love bubbles of soap."**

(Little Lotte thought: "Am I fonder of dolls?")

**Listerine: Eww get out of my sink!**

(Or of Goblins of shoes)

**Towel: "And I love hairspray"**

(Or of chocolates)

**Listerine: Good God I hate you!**

(Father playing the violin)

**Towel: I hate me too!**

(As we read to each other dark stories of the North)

**Listerine: Towel, you're psychotic! And you've bad teeth!**

** And your obsessed with sparkly me!**

** You're not as cool as the Haircomb of Fashion….**

** You're not as cool as the Haircomb of Fashion…**

(No, what I love best, Lotte said

Is When I'm asleep in my bed

And the angel of music sings songs in my head

The angel of music sings songs in my head!)

**Towel: Oh my God! A gold tooth! MUST…TOUCH!**(leaves)

**Listerine: Oy vey…**

**Haircomb: Who is that dude? He has problems!**

** And his top hat is SO last season!**

** MY hat is better, it has feathers!**

** And my cape reeks of coolness!**

(Insolent boy, this slave of fashion,

Basking in your glory!

Ignorant Fool! This brave young suitor

Sharing in my triumph!)

**Listerine: Haircomb, I smell you!**

** Is that cologne?**

** It smells quite expensive!**

(Angel, I hear you

Speak, I listen

Stay by my side, guide me!)

**Haircomb, please tell me,**

** What's hot and what's not,**

** So I can be popular!**

(Angel, my soul was weak,

Forgive me,

Enter at last, master!)

**Haircomb: I taught you how to be shiny!**

** I told you to brush your teeth!**

** Now I'll make you fashionable!**

** But not as fashionable as me!**

(Flattering child, you shall know me,

See why in shadow I hide…

Look at your face in the mirror…

I am there inside!)

**Listerine: Haircomb of Fashion!**

** Where's my shampoo?**

** I think someone stole it!**

(Angel of Music

Guide and guardian

Grant to me your glory!)

** Haircomb of Fashion!**

** Make me sexy!**

** So I can attract hairclips!**

(Angel of Music

Hide no longer

Come to me strange angel!)

**Haircomb: I am your Haircomb of Fashion!**

** Come to me, little mouthwash!**

( I am your Angel of music

Come to me Angel of music…)

**Towel: Listerine! I think I'm on fire!**

(Who is that in there?)

**Haircomb: I am your Haircomb of fashion! **

** Come to me little mouthwash!**

(I am your Angel of music,

Come to me, Angel of music!)

(The Haircomb comes out from the sink drain, and unscrews Listerine's cap so she can follow him down to his home in her liquid form.)

_What? How else is a bottle of mouthwash going to fit down a drain? Hmm…?_


	4. Haircomb of the Bathroom

THE HAIRCOMB OF THE BATHROOM (The Phantom of the Opera)

**Listerine: Eww, it smells down here!**

**What crap is this?**

**Is that a cockroach?**

**It smells of piss…**

(In sleep he sang to me

In dreams he came

That voice which calls to me

And speaks my name)

**And though I think I'm**

**Going insane**

**The Haircomb of the bathroom lives**

**Down the drain**

(And do I dream again

For now I find

The Phantom of the Opera is here

Inside my mind)

**Haircomb: I read teen magazines**

**I know of style**

**I'll share my fashions tips**

**They're worth your while**

(Sing once again with me

Our strange duet

My power over you

Grows stronger yet)

**But if you don't pipe down**

**I'll beat you with a cane**

**'Cuz the Haircomb of the Bathroom lives**

**Down your drain**

(And though you turn from me

To glance behind

The Phantom of the Opera is there

Inside your mind)

**Listerine: Are midriffs still "da bomb?"**

**Or am I too late?**

**Does leather make me look fat?**

(Those who have seen your face

Draw back in fear

I am the mask you wear)

**Haircomb: You should lose weight.**

(It's me they hear)

**Both: And though your voice is causing**

**My ears pain**

**The Haircomb of the Bathroom lives**

**Down the drain!**

(My spirit and my voice

In one combined

The Phantom of the Opera is there

Inside my mind)

**Cockroaches: Voila, The Haircomb of the Bathroom**

**La la, The Haircomb of the Bathroom**

**Haircomb: Short shorts are just plain weird!**

**Clogs are out!**

**Don't wear horizontal stripes**

(In all your fantasies

You always knew

That man and mystery)

**Listerine: They'll make me look stout!**

(Were both in you)

**Both: Let's throw our ugly clothes**

**Into acid rain! **

**The Haircomb of the Bathroom lives**

**Down the drain!**

(And in this labyrinth

Where night is blind

The Phantom of the Opera is there

Inside your mind)

**Haircomb: Sing, my little mouthwash!**

**Listerine: La la la…etc.**

**Haircomb: I have dragged you **

**Down to this grimy toilet**

**Where I hide all my magazines**

**My magazines…**

**You have come here**

**For really no reason at all**

**But whatever, I'll teach you my ways**

**You look wicked sweet, thanks to my magazines…**

**And "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy"…**


	5. The Flushing of the Night

A/N: Thanks to all my kind reviewers! You rock! P

Looking foward to new comments! hint hint

THE FLUSHING OF THE NIGHT!

**Haircomb: Paris Hilton **

(Nighttime sharpens)

**And "The Pimple Life" show,**

(Heightens each sensation)

**You'll watch it **

(Darkness stirs)

**And read lots of tabloids so,**

(And wakes imagination)

**You can be the most popular bath product…**

(Silently the senses abandon their defenses)

**Let's give you **

(Slowly, gently)

**A prettyful manicure**

(Night unfurls its splendor)

**We'll straighten your hair**

(Grasp it, sense it)

**You'll be famous, that's for sure!**

(Tremulous and tender!)

**Use lots of make up**

(Turn your face away)

**Hold your breath when you hiccup!**

(From the garish light of day)

**And maybe you won't be a horrific sight**

(Turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light)

**And let us do the flushing of the night!**

(And listen to the music of the night!)

**Never snort when you laugh trust me it's just plain gross**

(Close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams)

**And remember to use the word "like" all the time!**

(Purge your thoughts of the life you knew before!)

**Learn from me and please do not whine!**

(Close your eyes let your spirit start to soar!)

**With my help, you shall truly shine!**

(And you'll live as you've never lived before!)

**Flush away**

(Softly, deftly)

**Anything that's nerdy!**

(Music shall caress you)

**When you talk**

(Feel it, hear it)

**Make sure you're not too wordy!**

(Secretly possess you!)

**Forget things learned in school! **

(Open up your mind)

**They won't help you be cool!**

(Let your fantasies unwind!)

**Just brush your teeth, make sure they're clean and white**

(In this which you know you cannot fight)

**And now we'll do the flushing of the night!**

(The darkness of the music of the night!)

**Flush away classic literature and thick glasses**

(Let your mind start a journey to a strange, new world)

**Flush away any intelligent thoughts!**

(Leave all thoughts of the life you knew before!)

**Listen to me and you will reach success!**

(Let your soul take you where you long to be!)

**But not in that hideous white dress!**

(Only then can you belong to me!)

**Pluck your eyebrows**

(Floating, falling)

**Don't you want to look good?**

(Sweet intoxication)

**And, will you please**

(Touch me, trust me)

**Cut down on the junk food?**

(Savor each sensation)

**Tighten your corset**

(Let the dream begin)

**When these demands are met**

(Let your darker side give in)

**You will be the coolest, yes, that's right!**

(To the power of the music that I write)

**And you can thank the flushing of the night!**

(The power of the music of the night)

**Maybe you won't be a horrific sight…**

(You alone can make my song take flight)

**All because of the flushing of the night!**

(Help me make the music of the night!)

_In this scene the haircomb flushes everything "nerdy"-like classic novels, unfashionable clothing, glasses down the toilet, and starts molding Listerine into an air-headed, popular, Paris Hilton clone. Listerine sees a spider and faints (this comes from my own arachnophobia) and the haircomb leaves her on the floor. (By the way, she's in her bottle form again)._

_Oh, and to give you an idea as to what the haircomb looks like, he resembles an ordinary haircomb, except he wears cologne and half of a Barbie doll's head for a mask. _


	6. Oh my god Weirder than you smelt it

_A/N: Thank you to all who reviewed! I feel so loved:P_

**Oh my God/ Weirder than you smelt it**

_Listerine_

**Oh my god is that a rat?**

(I remember there was mist)

**I think I'm going to puke!**

(Swirling mist upon a vast, glassy lake)

**Now the rat's eating my dress**

(There were candles all around)

**And twitching its big nose**

(And on the lake there was a boat)

**And who's that haircomb?**

(And in the boat)

**He looks drunk…**

(There was a man…)

(She sees his Barbie-head mask and admires it)

**That mask is really cute looking…**

(Who was that shape in the shadows)

**I think I'll try it on…**

(Whose was the face in the mask)

(She takes it off)

_Haircomb_

**Oh no!**

(Damn you!)

**What have you done?**

(You little prying Pandora)

**Are you stupid?**

(You little demon)

**It looks better on me than on you!**

(Is this what you wanted to see?)

**You've seen**

(Curse you!)

**My slightly imperfect half**

(You little lying Delilah)

**I'm so angry**

(You little viper)

**I don't know what I will do!**

(Now you cannot ever be free!)

**Oh no!**

(Damn you!)

**You suck!**

(Curse you!)

**Weirder than you smelt it**

(Stranger than you dreamt it)

**This smell is not expensive cologne**

(Can you even dare to look or bear)

**It's the smell of a geek**

(To think of me)

**And, a little perfume**

(This loathsome gargoyle)

**But that's not the point at all**

(Who burns in hell but secretly)

**The point is that I'm not perfect…**

(Yearns for heaven)

**I'm not perfect, I'm not perfect…**

(Secretly, secretly)

**But Listerine…**

(But Christine)

**Just because someone left me**

(Fear can turn to love)

**In front of a hot hairdryer**

(You'll learn to see, to find the man)

**And made me hardly unattractive**

(Behind the monster)

**You know, I'm still sexy**

(This repulsive carcass)

**And real cool, I'll prove it too**

(Who seems a beast but secretly)

**I'm real cool, I'll prove it too…**

(Dreams of beauty secretly)

**I'll prove it too…**

(Secretly, secretly)

**Oh, Listerine**

(Oh, Christine)

(She returns the Barbie head)

**Come we must get back!**

(Come we must return)

**The bathroom items up above will be hating you!**

(Those two fools who run my theatre will be missing you!)


	7. Magical Toothbrush

_A/N: Hello! Thank you all for reviewing! You really make my day! _

_In this song, Joseph Buquet will be a_ **smelly** **Bouquet** _of flowers (Some people, like me,_ _for instance, keep flowers in their bathroom!), Madame Giry will be_ **Mme Mirror** _and the ballet dancers will be_ **random bathroom objects**.

Disclaimer: I don't own phantom of the opera tear

**Magical Toothbrush** (Magical Lasso)

**Smelly Bouquet: Like shiny plastic is his skin**

**He uses lipstick and red blush**

**You must always wear tight clothes**

**Or he will smack you with his…er…magical toothbrush!**

(Like yellow parchment is his skin

A great black hole serves as the nose that never grew

You must be always on your guard

Or he will catch you with his magical lasso!)

_(Bathroom objects squeal from fear)_

**Mme Mirror: Those who smell as bad as you**

**Should not talk about the sexy haircomb**

**Smelly Bouquet, take a bath**

**And stop being such a dum dum!**

(Those who speak of what they know

Find too late that prudent silence is wise

Joseph Bouquet, hold your tongue

Keep your hands at the level of your eyes!)

_Sorry, short chapter, but the next one will be super long!_


	8. Emails

A/N: Hello fellow readers! Sorry for taking so long on updating! This one is a woozy! Plus, I've been reading Phantom by Susan Kay (amazing book by the way) and school starts in a week for me. In this chapter, Monsieur Firmin will be **Mr. detergent** and Monsieur Andre will be **Mr. laundry**! Awww, they go so well together! (Some people like me also keep laundry in their bathrooms! Okay, I'm probably the only one, but it's the best I can come up with!) Carlotta, as suggested by **longlivetheking** will be **Cinna-floss!** And Cinna-Floss's pet will be a **Powder Puff**!(by the way thank you I couldn't think of one for Carlotta!)Well enough chatter. Here you go!

Little note: When Detergent says "What would Lisa do?", to clarify that up: Lisa is a human character who uses the bathroom and is worshiped by the bathroom objects as God. (Sorry to offend people named Lisa or religious people.) She has no singing parts but she will greatly impact the ending of the Haircomb of the Bathroom! She is named after my best friend who hates this story with a passion.

Mr. Detergent- **Oh my God this is really bad!**

**She disappeared!**

**I am feeling sad!**

("Mystery after gala night!"

It says "Mystery of soprano's flight!")

**Why'd she have to run away?**

**It doesn't smell that bad, she could've stayed!**

**How will we get our dough?**

**I can't believe this, it's real low**

**Without her, it gets quite dull**

**Without that curvaceous bottle…**

(Mystified baffled Surete say

We are mystified they suspect foul play!

Bad news on soprano's scene

First Carlotta, now Christine

Still at least the seats get sold

Gossip's worth its weight in gold)

**Shower time has gotten boring**

**Cinna-floss has left us too**

**We're bad at this job; we'll be chased by mobs!**

**Angry Mobs!**

**We'll get ourselves killed all against our wills**

**And I don't know what to do!**

(What a way to run a business!

Spare me these unending trials!

Half your cast disappears but the crowd still cheers

Opera!

To hell with Gluck and Handel it's a scandal

That'll pack them in the aisles!)

Mr. Laundry- **We are doomed!**

**This'll never sell!**

**Goodbye bathroom**

(Damnable!

Will they all walk out?

This is Damnable!)

Mr. Detergent- **Laundry, please don't yell**

(Andre please don't shout)

**We have to think**

**What would Lisa do?**

**Damn it! Think!**

(It's publicity!

And the take is vast!

Free publicity!)

Mr. Laundry- **She'd probably sue…**

(But we have no cast…)

Mr. Detergent- **Yep, she'd put us in jail**

**By the way, did you check your e-mail?**

(But Andre have you seen the queue?

Oh, it seems you got one too)

Mr. Laundry- **"Yo' laundry what is happenin'?**

**Listerine has rocked the house!**

**Cinna floss has gone! **

**A shame to none!**

**By the way**

**Dear Listerine knows**

**She wants lots of different clothes**

**And a very low cut blouse!"**

(Dear Andre what a charming gala!

Christine enjoyed a great success!

We were hardly bereft when Carlotta left

Otherwise

The chorus was entrancing

But the dancing

Was a lamentable mess!)

Mr. Detergent- **"Detergent, you are such a kidder!**

**Forgetting to pay my bill!**

**Boy, that' one's good**

**Funny in the hood**

**But really now**

**If I don't get my money**

**Things around here won't be sunny**

**If you will…"**

(Dear Firmin just a brief reminder

My salary has not been paid

Send in care of the ghost

By return of post

P.T.O.:

No one likes a debtor

So it's better

If my orders are obeyed!)

Both: **This mystery dude is evil**

**I wonder who it is!**

(Who would have the gall to send this!

Someone with a puerile brain!)

Mr. Detergent- **It's Madame Mirror!**

(They are both signed O.G.)

Mr. Laundry- **It couldn't be clearer!**

(Who the hell is he?)

Both: **Nah! No way!**

**It must be Listerine!**

**Boy, she's really mean!**

**Or it could be Towel**

**Obsessed with shiny things**

**Like riches and bling bling**

**Ding! I'm really sick of this!**

(Opera Ghost!

It's really not amusing

He's abusing our position

In addition he wants money

What a funny sort of specter

To expect a large retainer

Nothing plainer

He is clearly quite insane!)

Towel: **She left me! **

(Where is she?)

Detergent and Laundry: **Grr…the moron!**

(You mean Carlotta?)

Towel: **Listerine… boy she must love me!**

(No I mean Ms. Daae where is she?)

Detergent and Laundry: **Yeah right! That's why she ran!**

(Well how should we know?)

Towel: **Nah, she's in denial-**

**That's why she sent me this email**

(I want an answer

I take it that you sent me this note)

Detergent and Laundry: **It can't be her!**

**Or can it…**

**It can't be Towel…**

(What's all this nonsense?

Of course not!

Don't look at us!)

Towel: **It can't? Are you sure?**

(She's not with you then?)

Laundry: **Or can it…**

(Of course not!)

Detergent: **We're not so sure…**

(We're in the dark)

Towel: **Just read my email! **

(Monsieur don't argue)

**Isn't this your email?**

(Isn't this the letter you wrote?)

Detergent: (looking on laptop screen)

**Hold on! You're connection's as slow as a snail!**

(And what is it that we're meant to have wrote? Written…)

Laundry: **Here we go…**

**"I stole your hot chick!**

**She's mine so hands off, dog!**

**She's staying under the hood y'all."**

(Do not fear for Miss Daae

The Angel of Music has her under his wing

Make no attempt to see her again)

Towel: **Gasp if Listerine didn't write it, and you didn't write it, and Cinna-floss didn't write it and Leg didn't write it and Madame Mirror didn't write it and and Smelly Bouquet didn't write it, and I didn't write it in my sleep, who did?**

(If you didn't write it, who did?)

Cinna-Floss- **Oh God!**

(Where is he?)

Detergent and Laundry- **Oh great, not you too!**

(Ah, welcome back!)

Cinna-Floss- **My poor powder puff!**

(Your precious patron where is he?)

Towel- **What happened?**

(What is it now?)

Cinna-Floss**- Someone shaved a note on her butt!**

(I have your letter-a letter I would rather resent)

Detergent and Laundry- **Was it you Towel?**

(And did you send it?)

Towel- **I don't think so…**

(Of course not!)

Detergent and Laundry- **yeah, too smart**

(As if he would!)

Cinna-Floss- **For real?**

(You didn't send it?)

Towel- **I don't think so…**

(Of course not!)

Detergent and Laundry- **This is confuzzling…**

(What's going on…)

Cinna-Floss- **They're sick! This really shows a lot!**

(You dare to tell me that this is not the letter you sent!)

Towel- **And they're probably very hot…**

(And what is it that I've meant to have sent?)

_All stare at the message on the butt_

Towel- **"You're no longer the cleanest one in the bathroom**

**Listerine is a lot more refreshing for the mouth**

**And she's a much better flavor!"**

(Your days at the Opera Populaire are numbered…

Christine Daae will be singing on your behalf tonight

Be prepared for a great misfortune should you attempt to take her place)

Detergent and Laundry- **Cinna-Floss is far more tasty!**

**Listerine is nothing next to you!**

**She may be nice, but you smell of spice!**

(Far too many notes for my taste

And most of them about Christine!

All we've heard since we came is Miss Daae's name!)

Mme Mirror- **Listerine has come back to us!**

(Miss Daae has returned…)

Detergent - **She's been the center of my lust!**

(I trust her midnight oil is well and truly burned)

Laundry- **Yes, I want to spank her…**

(Where precisely is she now?)

Mme Mirror- **Monsieur! Please!**

(I thought at best she'd go home)

Leg- **She's in her sink…**

(She needed rest)

Towel- **I'm coming Listerine!**

(May I see her!)

Mme Mirror- **No! You're staying right here!**

(No monsieur she will see no one)

Cinna-Floss- **Will she clean? Will she clean?**

(Will she sing? Will she sing?)

Mme Mirror- **Here, I have an email…**

(Here I have an email)

All- **Move over! I'm reading!**

(Let me see it!)

Detergent- **Move!**

(Please!)

**"Dudes and Dudettes, I've now sent you various emails and shaved butt messages…telling you that I'm not happy. And when I'm not happy, accidents happen…I'll give you one last chance…maybe…yes…no…okay yes!"**

(Gentleman I have now sent you notes of the most amiable nature…detailing how my theatre is to be run…you have not followed my instructions…I shall give you one last chance!)

Haircomb- **Listerine has now come back to you**

**And I really want her career to grow…**

**In the new production of "Hygiene's fun!"**

**Cinna-floss will play some insignificant role,**

**And Listerine will be the star of the show!**

**Listerine refreshes your breath with every sip!**

**Cinna-Floss can't do that **

**And Listerine has much bigger hips! **

(Christine Daae has returned to you!

And I am anxious her career should progress

In the new production of "Il Muto"

You will therefore cast Carlotta as the Page Boy

And put miss Daae in the role of countess

The role that Miss Daae plays calls for charm and appeal

The role of the page boy is silent

Which my casting in a word Ideal!)

**I shall watch the cleaning at the top of the shower**

**If anyone sits there coughcoughTOWELcoughcough**

**Something not particularly good will happen!**

(I shall watch the performance from my normal seat in box five which will be

kept empty for me

Should these demands be ignored

A disaster beyond your imagination will occur…)

Detergent- **And just so you know, this is H.C. Peace out!**

(I remain gentleman your obedient servant O.G.)

Cinna-Floss- _screams so loud that Madame Mirror cracks_


	9. Cinnamon Floss

_A/N: Once again, thanks for the reviews! By the way, if you don't get the "Lisa" thing, read the little note in the previous chapter._

Cinnamon Floss! (Prima Donna)

Laundry: **The Bathroom needs you!**

(Your public needs you)

Detergent: **Lisa needs you too!**

(We need you too!)

Cinna-Floss: **Would you not rather have your mouthwash, hmm?**

(Would you not rather have your precious little ingénue?)

Detergent: **You bet bit-**

Laundry: (clamps mouth) **Uh, no!**

(Signora, no!)

Detergent and Laundry: **We both want you!**

(The world wants you!)

Detergent and Laundry: **Cinnamon Floss you know we all need you!**

**Listerine, the one who's mean, can take a hike!**

**Despite you leaving us almost bankrupt**

**It's still you that we like!**

(Prima Donna first lady of the stage!

Your devotees are on their knees to implore you!

Can you bow out when they're shouting your name?

Think of how they all adore you!)

**Cinnamon Floss you know that even though**

**Listerine has curves and lots of nerves she never can**

**Take your place in the magical bathroom**

**All will go as to plan!**

(Prima Donna enchant us once again

Think of your muse and of the queues round the theatre!

Can you deny us the triumph in store?

Sing, Prima Donna, once more…)

Towel: **Listerine spoke of a haircomb…**

(Christine spoke of an angel…)

Cinna-Floss: (to herself) **Cinnamon Floss you are very sexy!**

**Look at those buns like two red suns for a booty!**

**Listerine doesn't stand a chance next to me!**

(Prima Donna your song shall live again!

You took a snub but there's a public that needs you!

Think of their cry of undying support!)

Laundry: **We get our money**

(We get our opera)

Detergent: **She gets her revenge**

(She gets her limelight)

Cinna-Floss: **I hope Towel gives her cooties!**

(Follow where the limelight leads you!)

Detergent and Laundry: **She has mental problems!**

(Leading ladies are a trial!)

Cinna-Floss: **Listerine can't really clean as I do**

(You'll sing again and to unending ovation!)

Everyone else: **Who knows what this mystery person will do**

(Bliss or damnation)

Cinna-Floss: **Think of how satisfied Lisa will be**

**Soon she'll be saying "Listerine…who?"**

(Think how you'll shine in that final encore!

Sing Prima Donna once more!)

Everyone else: **Somebody's wrong in the head!**

(See these demands are rejected!)

Detergent and Laundry: **Poor clean Listerine**

**Isn't on the scene anymore**

**Her name has no more fame**

**She'll give a great big howl**

**When all she has is Towel**

**When will he ever learn?**

**He cannot be with her!**

(Who'd believe a diva

Happy to relieve a chorus girl

Who went and slept with the patron?

Raoul and his soubrette

Entwined in love's duet

Although he may demur

He must have been with her!)

Detergent and Laundry: **Somehow I can tell**

**This all won't end too well**

**Lisa will rage in fury**

**We'll all be killed and buried**

**And never used again**

**I hope that won't happen!**

**We're too cute to die!**

(You'd never get away

With all this in a play

But if it's loudly sung

And in a foreign tongue

It's just the sort of story

Audiences adore

In fact a perfect opera!)

Detergent and Laundry: **Cinnamon Floss it's time for the big show! **

**Oh, how we hate you, let's decorate you with ugly bows!**

(Prima Donna the world is at your feet!

A nation waits, and how it hates to be cheated!)

Cinna-Floss: **Oh, I look so good in tacky clothes**

**With lots of glitter, oh look at how I shimmer!**

**Listerine won't be a star**

**I'm shinier by far!**

**And always will be!**

(The stress that falls upon a famous Prima Donna!

Terrible diseases, coughs and colds and sneezes

Still the driest throat

Will reach the highest note

In search of perfect opera!)

Everyone: **Precious flower**

**Get into the shower!**

**Show us, Cinnamon floss**

**Your cleaning power!**

(Light up that stage

With that age old rapport!

Sing, Prima Donna,

Once more!)

Haircomb: **What the fizzle? You shizzlin' biznatches ain't obeying me?**

(So, it is to be war between us? If these demands are ignored a disaster beyond your imagination will occur!)

All: **Your cleaning power!**

(Once more!)


End file.
